It is January 1st, the day that everyone sits around contemplating what they want to change about this year… The things they want to do differently than the last.
What about those of us that spend our entire lives doing that?
What about those of us that are never content?
What about those of us that are never happy?
Why is it that every single person thinks that it is necessary to make a resolution on this day? To make an effort on this day to change who they are?
Yes, I would very much enjoy being someone that I’m not, but why is it the norm for people to constantly want to change?
Isn’t anyone in this country happy with themselves?
Is no one okay enough to not want to change who or what they are?
Most people, on this day, will promise to lose ten pounds or will vow to eat less carbs.
What about those of us that are truly trying to fix ourselves?
What about those of us that are supposedly “broken”?
I’ve been trying to fix myself for the past six months.
I’ve been going to the psychiatrist, taking the medicines.
Those things have done nothing for me.
Those things that I have done to appease my friends and family and doctors have done nothing for me. I feel just the same.
I feel like I am more broken than I was to begin with, because of the fact that none of these things are working.
None of the things that I have typed here are what is really on my mind and really on my heart.
I feel the urge to write, but I can’t write what I want to or what I feel.
The acceptance is too much to handle, I think.
I just want to be okay and to actually feel okay.
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